Summer learning matters — but so do confidence, resilience and the trusted adults who help children grow.

This summer feels especially meaningful for my family. My toddler will start preschool in August, and we’re preparing to welcome our second son this fall. Like so many parents, I’ve found myself thinking about routines, transitions and the kind of childhood I hope to create for my boys.

Everywhere I look, I see advice about avoiding the “summer slide.” Keep the learning going.

As a parent, I understand why. School success matters. I want my children to love learning and walk into school feeling confident and prepared.

But over the past several years, I’ve also had the privilege of leading Friends of the Children–Los Angeles, where every child we serve is paired with a paid, professional mentor — whom we call a Friend — who commits to walking alongside them from kindergarten through high school graduation. That experience has reinforced something I now believe deeply, both as a leader and as a mom.

I’ve come to believe that children don’t experience life in silos, so we shouldn’t support them in silos either.

At Friends of the Children–Los Angeles, we care deeply about school success. We want every child to love learning, graduate from high school and discover what’s possible for their future. But we’ve learned that those outcomes are built on so much more than academics. They’re built on social and emotional development, physical health, meaningful relationships and overall well-being.

Because children are whole people, not test scores.

As parents, I think we know this instinctively. A child who’s hungry, anxious, lonely, exhausted or overwhelmed isn’t in the best position to learn.

That’s why I believe the conversation should be about summer slide and relationships. Summer reading matters. Math matters. School readiness matters. But children are also building confidence, curiosity, emotional security and resilience. Those are the qualities that help them walk back into the classroom ready to learn.

One of the biggest surprises of becoming a parent has been realizing that parenting isn’t just about raising children. It’s also about managing ourselves.

Our children borrow more than our advice. They borrow our calm, our stress and our confidence. Which means one of the greatest gifts we can give them is making sure we have enough support to keep showing up as the parents we want to be.

I’ve also noticed something else as a new parent: It’s incredibly easy to become focused on what’s next. Are they talking enough? Should they know more letters? Is it time for potty training? Do they need another activity?

I recognize that instinct in myself because, at its core, it comes from love. We want our children to thrive. But my work has taught me to ask a different question. Before asking, “What’s next?” I try to ask, “What’s already beautiful about this child?”

Maybe they’re deeply curious. Maybe they’re kind. Maybe they notice every butterfly on a walk or are finally brave enough to try something new. Those strengths deserve our attention, too.

When we talk about the summer slide, we’re often talking about what children might lose. But I find myself wondering what they might gain. If we’re only measuring what they haven’t mastered yet, we risk overlooking the strengths they’re developing every single day.

One of the reasons I care so deeply about this work is because I’ve experienced childhood from two very different perspectives. I grew up with very few resources. We shopped the clearance rack. I qualified for free school lunch. Summer camps and enrichment programs simply weren’t part of my childhood.

Today, I’m raising my sons with opportunities I never had. That’s not something I take for granted. But becoming a parent has reminded me that, regardless of our income, neighborhood or circumstances, most parents are asking the very same questions: Am I doing enough? Is my child okay? Will they grow into a kind, confident person?

What changes isn’t how much we love our children. What changes is the amount of support we have around us.

I’ve yet to meet a parent who didn’t want the very best for their child. I’ve simply met parents with different levels of support, opportunity and resources available to help them get there. That’s one of the reasons I’d love to see us change the way we talk about families navigating adversity.

Too often, we begin with what’s missing. At Friends of the Children–Los Angeles, we try to begin with what’s already there. A family experiencing housing instability isn’t defined only by instability. They may also be remarkably resourceful, resilient and deeply committed to creating a sense of home under incredibly difficult circumstances.

Recognizing those strengths doesn’t diminish the challenges they face. It reminds us that people are always more than the hardest thing they’re going through.

The same is true for children. Children are not their trauma. They’re curious. Creative. Funny. Kind. Resilient.

When we begin with strengths instead of assumptions, everything changes.

Last summer, one of our professional mentors — whom we call a “Friend” — spent every Wednesday with her mentee. Sometimes they went to the library. Other times they explored a park or grabbed lunch together. The activities almost didn’t matter. What mattered was that every Wednesday, that child knew someone was coming.

That’s what makes our model different. Our Friends aren’t volunteers who come and go. They’re trained, paid professionals who make a long-term commitment to a child — from kindergarten through high school graduation. We believe consistency isn’t simply nice to have; it’s one of the most powerful ingredients in healthy child development.

Most parents aren’t looking for someone to replace them. They’re looking for trusted adults who reinforce what they’re already building at home.

Children thrive when they’re surrounded by caring adults who know them, believe in them and keep showing up over time.

One of the things I love most about raising a family in Los Angeles is that children grow up surrounded by people who shape them in big and small ways — a teacher, a coach, a neighbor, another parent or a mentor. We all become part of one another’s village.

As parents, we spend a lot of time asking, What should my child be doing this summer? Maybe another question is just as important:Who are the adults helping my child become who they’re meant to be?

This summer, I hope we worry a little less about checking every developmental box and spend a little more time noticing the child right in front of us.

The one who asks a hundred questions.

The one who notices every butterfly.

The one who’s finally brave enough to try something new.

Those moments are building something, too.

So yes, read together. Visit the library. Go to the beach. Explore a museum. Cook dinner together. Get bored enough to imagine something new. But don’t underestimate the ordinary moments: the conversations in the car, the trusted adult who keeps showing up and the confidence that’s quietly growing.

Maybe the real measure of summer isn’t just what our children learned. It’s who they became — and who helped them get there.

Jorie Das is executive director of Friends of the Children–Los Angeles.